The Curse of Potential: How Your Greatest Asset Becomes Your Greatest Enemy
Overcoming the seductive lie of "You have potential."
I grew up in a "garage sale" household in a speed trap, single-street-light town in the middle of nowhere upstate New York.
World domination wasn't a topic of discussion.
Not because it was impossible, but worse—it was inconceivable.
We didn't know people who "made it."
Our neighborhood was full of blue-collar laborers and corporate cogs, pawns in the power game of business.
We may have had imagination, but not big goals.
Sure, we saw success on TV, but success seemed so far away when you grow up in a town of 900 people.
It's something that only happens to people in faraway magical lands.
This isn't an indictment of my parents, the New York public education system, or the university I attended.
I was blessed. I was (and thankfully still am) loved by two amazing parents who did the best they could as often as they could.
But somewhere along the way, I learned to think small.
…and the teacher wasn't society, circumstance, or any external force.
The teacher was potential.
The Seductive Lie of "You Have Potential"
As a child, people routinely said, "You have potential."
I was smart, athletic, tall, outgoing, and ambitious.
To some, I even displayed signs of entrepreneurship, leadership, and drive.
These attributes created opportunities. Adults in my life would invest emotional and social capital in creating chances they hoped would pay dividends in my growth and results for whatever organization, club, or team they represented.
Many of these opportunities came with small successes.
Each success would raise the bar of potential. A leadership position here, a captainship there.
I became addicted to—no, dependent on—leveraging potential.
But here's what I didn't understand then: potential is a narcotic.
With potential comes pressure.
Your potential is only valuable if you eventually deliver results.
As I grew older, the pressure of potential began to crack my will.
I became afraid. Afraid of what it meant to lose the small successes I had gained.
I began to think small.
Neither society nor circumstance taught me to think small. I taught myself.
At a certain point, overreliance on potential becomes simple underachievement.
Almost becomes "good enough."
The Finding Peak Podcast
Early this week, we hit #2 in the Apple Business category…
The "Good Enough" Trap
A life filled with "good enough" is also filled with shame and regret.
This was my story for a long time.
Potential became my prison.
I was a good baseball player in high school.
Not only did I have decent stats, but with a long and lean 6'4" frame, I looked the part.
Having lived on a baseball field for most of my life, I had the experience and could talk the part of a highly productive high school baseball player.
Leveraging "potential," I sold these attributes to the University of Rochester in exchange for a substantial scholarship.
Instead of making good on my promise of potential, I chose to chase women, drink beer, and waste time with trivial college buffoonery.
And while my college baseball wasn’t a bust by any means, I never truly applied myself. Not a hundred percent.
Ultimately, I peaked well below my potential.
I've always been good at science and math.
Getting accepted into the Mechanical Engineering department at Rochester is difficult. Somehow, I convinced them to give me a shot.
But when the courses got tough (thermodynamics... woof), I gave up.
I convinced myself I didn't want to become an engineer and settled for the easiest path to graduation (Mathematics).
And while a Math degree isn’t nothing, it’s always been a bitter pill because I never would have chosen Math intentionally.
I failed into a Math degree.
Early in my career, I was never not hired for a job I've interviewed for…
Managers and co-workers liked me, and I fit in well with most corporate cultures (at first).
I'm a hard enough worker, friendly enough, and produce enough to be an adequate employee.
This got me two well-paying jobs at highly respected international corporations in Washington, D.C., and New York City.
These jobs never went anywhere.
I never took proactive steps to advance my career at either company.
I always did just enough to get by.
I’d get my work done early in the morning and spend the rest of my day memorizing fantasy baseball statistics and learning to sleep at my desk without being caught.
I never believed I could do more, so I didn't try. I learned how to leverage my potential and let that be good enough.
And while these jobs paid the bills, I learned very little other than a distaste for corporate bureaucracy.
Thinking Small
We think small, so we fail small.
See, no one questions good enough. Because most people settle for good enough.
Trying, caring, giving a shit—these expose you to ridicule and pain.
What if I tried my hardest and it wasn't enough to be great?
I was a poor kid with nothing to fall back on, hustling my potential to get by.
No, I couldn't take that chance.
No, I can’t invest in myself.
No, I can’t move there.
I settled for almost. I settled for good enough.
“No worries, I have potential; there'll always be another opportunity.”
How Potential Becomes a Prison
Potential convinces us that we're doing everything possible to achieve success without having to work to become that success.
When we rest on potential, settling for good enough, true success never materializes.
We start making excuses for our underachievement. We tell ourselves these excuses so we can sleep at night.
We tell other excuses to friends and loved ones in a vain effort to keep that twinkle of potential in their eyes when they look at us.
Selling my potential gave me little dopamine hits. Explaining what I was going to do for a company gave me the same euphoric dopamine release as actually achieving the goals.
Unfortunately, the pleasure was short-lived.
Inevitably, I'd underachieve, and whatever brief positive emotions I experienced were quickly replaced with fear, shame, and regret.
I've felt like I'm letting everyone down most of my life.
I'd say things like "if only" and "someday."
Every night, alone with my thoughts, I'd lie there disgusted, ashamed, and frustrated at my unwillingness to give life everything I had.
This is where most people stay trapped.
In the comfortable prison of potential, where the bars are made of "what if" and the walls are built from "someday."
But there's a way out…
F*ck Potential: The RealityOS Way Forward
Potential is a leading indicator of success.
It is not to be confused with actual success.
To believe otherwise is naïve, arrogant, and ultimately fatal—fatal to the success your potential is supposed to predict.
Here's the good news: moving away from potential is a choice.
You can make that choice right now.
I made this choice in 2014 when I realized that working in a small, local insurance agency, unwilling to evolve, was not the environment in which I could become my best self.
I promised myself I would never feel that way again.
The result was Agency Nation, the Elevate conferences, the Content Warfare book, a successful speaking career, Rogue Risk, hundreds of articles, podcasts, videos, and the honor of countless conversations with some of the most amazing people in the world.
But more importantly, it led me to develop what I now call RealityOS—a leadership operating system designed to help you win in the real world by playing the game in front of you, without myths or excuses.
If you’re frustrated with your personal growth, if you know you’re capable of more but unsure how to unlock the best version of yourself, fill out this form and let’s chat.
The seven tenets of RealityOS provide a framework for breaking free from the curse of potential:
Tenet 1: Command the Present
The first principle of escaping potential's prison is to make decisions now and own them.
Stop living in the fantasy of what you could do and start operating in the reality of what you can do today.
You are NOT the "if only" version of yourself.
You are what you can do today. If you don't like that, get to work getting better.
The "if only" version of yourself is a fantasy developed by resistance to keep you from your full self.
When you command the present, you evaluate the skills you have today (potential) compared to where you want to be (beyond potential).
You stop making excuses and start making moves.
Tenet 2: Detach from the Outcome
This might seem counterintuitive when discussing potential, but hear me out.
When you're obsessed with outcomes—with proving your potential—you become paralyzed by the fear of failure.
You start thinking small because the stakes feel too high.
Instead, worship the process.
Focus on the work that needs to be done to get you where your potential was supposed to take you.
View setbacks as lessons, not failures.
If you struggle with this idea, here’s a simple reframe:
“It’s not happening to you, it’s happening for you.”
After being fired from Agency Nation, its parent company trademarked all my work, so I couldn't mention it again. They sued me for things I didn't do and blackballed me from speaking gigs in the insurance industry, bullying multiple organizations into dropping me as a speaker.
They wanted to cancel me from the national insurance discourse.
It didn't work.
The struggle of losing those speaking gigs forced me to become better at marketing my speaking services, ultimately leading to more booked gigs the following year.
When you're operating beyond your potential, you cannot be canceled.
Because you're not attached to any single outcome—you're committed to the process of becoming.
Tenet 3: Systematize for Freedom
One of the biggest traps of potential is becoming a bottleneck in your own life.
You think you need to be involved in everything because, after all, you have so much potential.
However, this mindset keeps you small and prevents you from scaling beyond your individual capabilities.
Build systems that free you from the day-to-day execution so you can focus on the high-level strategy and vision that only you can provide.
Make yourself unnecessary to the daily operations of your success.
This is how you move from being a "doer" to being an owner of systems.
Tenet 4: Lead with Resonance
Your voice is your cultural guide.
When you're trapped by potential, you're constantly trying to be what others expect you to be.
You're performing a version of yourself rather than being yourself.
Leading with resonance means crafting an authentic voice that moves cultures—starting with the culture of your own life.
Stop trying to live up to other people's definition of your potential and start defining success for yourself.
My first TEDx Talk was on this very topic…
Tenet 5: Own Your Edge
Weaponize your self-awareness.
The curse of potential often comes from a lack of clarity about who you really are and what you're actually good at.
You think you're good at everything because people told you that you have "potential."
But potential without specificity is just noise.
Own your edge.
Know exactly what makes you different, what you're uniquely positioned to do, and what you're not.
This clarity will free you from trying to be everything to everyone.
Tenet 6: Radical Responsibility
Nuke the excuses and seize control.
This is perhaps the most important tenet for breaking free from potential's curse.
Stop blaming your upbringing, your circumstances, your lack of resources, or your missed opportunities.
Stop saying "if only" and "someday."
Take radical responsibility for where you are and where you're going.
Own what you DO, not what you CAN do.
Tenet 7: Unyielding Focus
Develop a draconian sense of priority with zero drift.
Potential makes you think you can do everything.
Focus forces you to choose what you will do.
Every fiber of your being will scream for you to stop when you start operating beyond your potential.
Your lizard brain wants safety.
Nothing about what we're discussing here is safe.
But unyielding focus cuts through the noise and keeps you moving toward what matters most.
The Path Forward: From Potential to Performance
Follow your pain.
Shame, doubt, fear, and regret—use these feelings as guideposts.
Each will point you toward the area of your life where the opportunity exists to overcome your potential.
Do the work. At some point, you need to engage.
You must take the swing.
You must step out into that unknown world beyond your comfort zone and battle the demons that live there.
Push through the pain. Embrace failure. Don't succumb to your own potential.
Keep going. Never stop moving forward.
Potential is an empty promise.
I know that now, and so do you.
It’s OK to sell your potential, but unlike my younger self, you'd better make damn well sure you deliver.
Commit to results and work your f*cking ass off to make good on those commitments.
The Rub
We all have potential.
To think that my potential is different from yours is naïve, ignorant, presumptuous, arrogant, and fatal—fatal to the success our potential is supposed to predict.
If thinking small is the cardboard box that keeps your potential caged, then thinking big is the box cutter you use to break out.
Thinking big is breaking free.
It's blasting loose. It's not giving a shit about criticism or expectation or potential.
For me, my box cutter has been writing.
The experience of creating, nurturing, and growing an audience of relationships. Relationships I cherish. Relationships I am accountable to…you.
What's your box cutter?
What's the thing that will force you to move beyond the comfortable prison of potential into the uncomfortable reality of performance?
The choice is yours.
You can continue to live in the fantasy of what you might become, or you can start the hard work of becoming it.
Potential is a narcotic.
Performance is the antidote.
Choose performance. Choose reality. Choose to be more than your potential.
In the past, I've told you to give a shit about other people. From now on, how about we also give a shit about ourselves too... and become more.
This is the way.
Hanley
P.S. If you’re frustrated with your personal growth, if you know you’re capable of more but unsure how to unlock the best version of yourself, fill out this form and let’s chat.